Weekly Running Recap--I'm an Inner Wimp

This week was a rest week since I finished my 10K training plan last week and won't start my half-marathon training for a few more weeks. Since I'm still doing the Runner's World Run Streak (28 down, 12 to go!), this rest week was all about easy, short runs and yoga.

Monday: 1 mile and 60 minutes yin yoga
Tuesday: 3.15 miles
Wednesday: 2 miles
Thursday: 3.17 miles
Friday: 1 mile and 25 minutes yoga
Saturday: 3.25 miles and 20 minutes yoga
Sunday: 5.22 miles and 20 minutes yoga 
Total: 18.79

After a week of easy runs, by Saturday I was ready for a hard run. All week I waffled about doing the Oakmont 5K. Because it's a flat course, I was positive that I could get my sub-30 PR. Last week during the Father's Day 10K, my time at 3 miles was 30:41. I wasn't trying to run at 5K pace then, so I figured if I tried at 5K pace I could definitely get it. But I never put the Oakmont 5K on my calendar and committed, and my Saturday morning lollygagging made the decision for me since I wouldn't have had time to register before the race started. But I was mentally charged up and ready to run, and I thought, 'If I don't PR at the race, I'll just do it on a solo 5K run.'

I was doing it. This was the day! I pictured my Garmin with a 29:XX time and had no doubt in my mind I could do it. This is me pre-run (I even put on my new Athleta Dots Chi Tank to celebrate what I knew would be a PR day.)
I'm going to PR today!
I fueled with lots of water, a Salt Stick, and a double-shot expresso Clif Shot energy gel, filled my water bottle with Nuun, and walked down to the trail. After a slow 1-mile warmup, I stopped for a minute to reset my Garmin and stretch, then I was off.

I started at a 9:00 pace. I do not run at a 9:00 pace, so I don't know why I thought this was a good idea. 'Maybe I'm getting faster and can keep this pace the whole run,' I thought, because I felt really great. Invincible. By mile 1, my pace had slowed to 9:15. No worries. I was still feeling good.

When things started to fall apart, I tried not to look at my Garmin. I was breathing like I had never run before in my life and might die. I felt like I was running so hard I couldn't possibly run for much longer. I finally gave in and looked down at my Garmin and was crushed to see I was only at 1.87 miles, and my pace was at 9:30. That was all it took for my mind to scream at me: "This is too hard! You can't do this! You will never last until 3.1!" I tried to push those thoughts out of my head, but that feeling I remember from gradeschool, where I was the only kid who couldn't run the mile for the fitness test, came flooding back and made me believe: "You can't do this." So at 2.01 miles, I hit stop on my Garmin and slowed to a jog.

I was incredibly disappointed in and angry with myself. I was upset that I didn't run the Oakmont 5K, where I would not have stopped at 2 miles. I was upset that I went out too fast. I was upset that I didn't even try--didn't even try!!!--to run 1.1 more miles, that didn't try to just slow down a bit and run the whole 5K. In my mind if I couldn't get that PR, I didn't want to even try, and I knew I couldn't get it. I was so angry that I just gave up.
No PR today

Shaun posted a quote last Monday that I've been thinking of ever since I read it. It was about inner strength. In thinking about my last two races, I know I didn't push when it got hard. I gave up, thinking, "I won't PR today. Oh well." In other words, I'm an inner wimp.  And when Kim posted about needing to do positive mental training, I realized that I do too. Amanda made a comment on that post about a book she is reading, Mind Gym. I just got that book because it sounds like exactly what I need.

I need to find my inner strength!!! If I can't find a way to push out the negativity when my runs get hard, how will I ever do well at races? How will I PR? How will I ever run a marathon someday? I need to work on this just like I need to work on the physical aspect of my running. As for my sub-30 5K goal, I gave myself a little plan. On my next weekend run, I'll run 2.5 miles at 9:30-9:38 pace, and the weekend run after that will try again for the full 5K, running the whole time between 9:30-9:38. Oh, and I WILL START OUT NO FASTER THAN 9:30.

Well, I'm a very positive person, so after a few hours I was able to push my disappointment and anger aside and have an otherwise happy first day of summer. We took Django on a walk through Riverview Park.
Dave and Django on a trail at Riverview Park

Django and me, wearing my new Lorna Jane tank and bra that I love!
We saw a deer close to us on the trail
And another one along the road
Close up of the deer
It wasn't very hot but was pretty humid, and Django (as usual) was beat. When we got home, he immediately did this:
This is how Django spends the majority of his days.

This week I'll be starting a new strength training routine using weight machines and will add one day of speedwork before trying for my 2.5 miles at 5K race pace next weekend. But perhaps most importantly, I'll be reading Mind Gym and learning how to train my mind.

Happy running this week!

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